What Is It Like To Have Bipolar Disorder?

1280x960 Alone In The Dark BackgroundAn ongoing battle.

A fight against oneself.

Never knowing what the next day will bring.

Or even the next moment.

From feelings of happiness, full of optimism, and that nothing can hurt me.

To agitation, a grim sadness, and overpowering despair.

It’s as if you’re feeling on top of the world, extremely creative and productive.

Ideas and thoughts racing at the speed of light.

Life has never been better.

Then suddenly, those grandiose feelings turn sour.

Nothing feels right or worth it anymore.

Hating myself, my life, and everything in it.

Feeling hopeless, unmotivated, and wanting to end it all.

Swinging from one extreme to the next with a touch of normality now and then.

Left to wonder when I’ll finally feel well again…


21 responses to “What Is It Like To Have Bipolar Disorder?

  1. Faith then no faith. NO faith is a horrible feeling. I would say surround yourself with things you can have faith in and dump all the things you can’t.

  2. I’m not bipolar, at least not diagnosed anyway (schizophrenia is my diagnosis) but your words resonated with me. It’s those lucid moments that are both the best (because one feels sane) and the worst (because one is aware just how crazy one has been)… slowly everything is tainted by insanity. At least that’s how it is for me.

  3. I again saw on my reader the picture that you attached to this post. And I was powerfully moved, again, by how well the image portrays the isolation and despair that is so difficult to convey in words. I’ve never been able to describe the feeling well enough for anyone to understand. I should carry this picture around in my pocket. Then the next time someone asks me what is wrong, I can just pull it out and give a visual clue like the smiley/sad faces that doctors use to help kids describe their pain level.

  4. You have to ground yourself. For those manic swings (which are exceptionally rare for me. ) you have to have your feet on things concrete. A workout routine established during mania and tempered by a workout partner becomes a habit that rolls over into your depressed episodes.

    Guess what happens when you workout while depressed? You’ve overcome your own nature that day. You have found your freedom. You have used the manic energy of the earlier cycling to your advantage.

    It’s admitting that you will fall
    It’s also admitting that you rise
    Every single time.

    Every day is a challenge. For me, unfortunate there’s no real moderation or middle day. It’s mostly depression. All the stabilizers I took ended up dumping me into apathy and lethargy. I stayed depressed, no amount of medication juggling or therapy fixed that.

    So, establish routines on the ups, and stick to the habits through the downs. It turns “coping” into “achieving.”

    Admittedly, am I where I want to be? NO.

    There is a long way to go. Those stories still haven’t written themselves, nor that book of Poetry published, nor that educational reform bill finished, or symphony completed.

    You keep at it though. One mile becomes 26.2. And, shockingly, you’ve completed a marathon.

    Keep at it!

  5. I saw that you visited and followed my site “The Climax Papers.” It’s a sci-fi serial and the main character wrestles with bi-polar. This reflects my personal experience, so I was in sympatico with your comments. It’s hard when people don’t understand that you feel like you have to fight everyday just to be stable. Upcoming stories in The Climax Papers will deal with the dark side of Joe’s ailment.

  6. Kait, first of all, thanks for checking out robinsmelody.com. I’m Robin and I’m new at this!
    Second, thanks for your words regarding how it feels to be bi-polar. My daughter has been dealing with this for a few years now. At age 27 she’s starting to understand herself better and how to accept herself and life – fully – with it. It’s been hard for mom here too. I don’t want my babies to suffer! Anything I can do to learn about it is good for both of us.

    • You’re very welcome, Robin. It’s great to connect with those who understand and who can relate to this topic. I am happy to hear that your daughter is doing well. I’m currently about her age as well and am trying my best to accept myself. Some days are easier than others. I can imagine it can be quite challenging for the parent too. I’m sure my mom would agree with you one-hundred percent! I admire that you are open to learning more about bipolar. That is fantastic. I wish you both all the best! Thanks for visiting 🙂

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